Oct 3, 2014

When do you know if you are ready?


How do you decide if it's the right time to plan for babies? 
Am I being selfish for not wanting to have little ones, at least not for now?
What if things go as unplanned and everything changes?

So many questions, so I decided to somehow answer my own questions and share my thoughts with you. Since this is my blog and all, I can pretty much talk about anything I want, right! Yes, let's move on with this topic. 

So a few nights ago I had this conversation with the Mr. and it went something like this:
Me: So, I've been thinking about our age, where we're at in our life, our marriage, our future and babies!
Mr: So what have you been thinking?
Me: Is it selfish to say that I love not having to wake up in the middle of the night to change diapers or feed a little one?
Mr: No.
Me: Sometimes I feel the pressure of having babies. I see all of these people surrounding us entering that new chapter, that baby chapter, and sometimes I feel like maybe that's where we should be too.
Mr: We have other priorities right now, and it's just not the right time to bring a baby into this world. The time will come but we shouldn't rush things.
Me: Okay, I'm just happy to know that it's okay to feel like this and that we're in this together. (ended the conversation with a big hug and a goodnight kiss).

This conversation made me realize that I should live my life according to what feels right. I believe that things will happen in due time. I have spent a lot of time comparing myself to my friends and I realized that I shouldn't compare myself. Sometimes I think about my age, I'm 27, and I'm okay with the thought of having children until I turn 30. 

When family and friends ask, "when are you having kids" my answer is always the same, soon, in a few years, or simply I don't know. The pressure is always on and I think that's why I always end up comparing myself to those that have decided to become parents. The topic of "when are you going to have kids" will continue to be the same because honestly we're not ready for such a big responsibility both emotionally and financially. 

I have so many things I want to do before I can dedicate my life and time to a little one. I want to achieve life goals. I want to travel and see new places with the love of my life. I want to experience life with my husband, just the two of us. I want to enjoy my marriage. I want to buy our first home. I want to be able to work hard to be able to give a little one the best of my time and the best of life. If that little one comes before I ever have the chance to fulfill my life dreams, he or she will be welcomed with open arms, but until then I'll keep going and moving on forward.

Some might say that I'm scared of the unknown, and yes that's true, but tell me who is not scared of life changes and the unknown, because I sure am and I know that I'm not alone. Some might say that one is never ready and to just do it, true, but when you know that you are not ready why jump into something. Is it okay to have these feeling of uncertainty?

I'll probably continue to have baby thoughts and continue to think when will I be ready for babies and I will tell myself "go back and read that post you wrote about the reasons why you decided to wait."  I'll look back on this and smile because it was life and I decided to live the greatest joys of life!

The struggles of life, when is the right time for anything?
Do you ever feel like I do, the pressure of doing something and not feeling ready?


Thank you for stopping by and reading my thoughts!
Have a great Friday!







10 comments:

  1. i can relate to this so much. there is SO much pressure put on newlyweds & married couples in general to have kids! like that's the next step you have to take - but it is SO not! it's a personal decision that is different for every single couple! it's okay to have kids the first year you're married, but it's also okay to wait 9 years! my sister did! she was married 9 years before her first child!


    having babies is definitely not something you should be pressured into! but it's completely normal to feel like you SHOULD be in that stage! we are where you are - we have other priorities & just aren't ready. and that's okay! it feels right for now!

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  2. It's great to hear that you and your husband are on the same page. I have wanted kids for years, I'm 26 now and I've always been a super clucky, maternal person. Yet, I still want to live more of my own life before bringing a new little person into it.

    So I guess my problem is slightly different. I am constantly battling my own biology and pressure from loved ones. I want to have kids but I want to travel the world (my husband and I are currently living away from family, overseas in England). My husband knows how I feel and we talk about it often, he is supportive but he is not ready, which I completely accept. When the time is right, we will know. I just wish I could tell my clucky brain that and stop being in two conflicting minds. All the best.

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  3. I agree with you Robyn, there is a lot of pressure on newlyweds and like you said married couples in general to have kids. I have been married for 4 years now and to some people and some of my family and friends, it seems strange to not want to have kids. You are so right, every couple is so different and everyone has different priorities. Wow It's great to hear stories of couples being married for a long time before they decided to have children. Thank you so much for stopping by! Have a great weekend :)

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  4. Erin, I think that at the end pf the day if both you and your spouse are on the same page, then that's all that matters. I also consider myself a very maternal person and if it was easy as 1,2,3 I would've had children a long time ago, but sometimes we have to think about more than once. I also feel that my biological clock is ticking but like your husband says, the right time will come. All the best to you too & Thanks for stopping by :)

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  5. This was a conversation my husband and I had about having a second child! Our first was an unexpected pregnancy. We were young, unprepared in the eyes of many.Yet, we proved everyone wrong we were just fine with out the help of anyone. However, let me tell you this, I can tell you are ready to have a baby. Just by the mere fact that you question your decision and your present state. No one , and I mean NO ONE , is ever really prepared for what parenthood has to give. The thing is one becomes scared....because it is scary to plan to create a little squishy (baby). It's partially in our hands to decide that one and one's spouse will come together to make a beautiful creation that is so amazing. Creation is so amazing it scares us! My opinion on the matter is... it's going to happen when GOD wants it to happen. We planned hardcore for our second and it took us 2 years to get pregnant. We got pregnant the year we were not PREPARED as we had wished! Things do not always go as planned. Remember life is not perfect. However, do not have a baby if you feel pressured by everyone else....because EVERYONE else....is not going to be there to help you at 3 am.... So it really is a personal decision...People, society, needs to stop asking such innocent but personal question. People don't mean harm, they just don't have anything better to say so they ask about what was expected of a married couple...in 1950. It's 2014 and if you feel you want to do other things first to get it out of your system to say" been there done that" more power to you! The whole point of life is to enjoy it! So, if what you are doing now is making YOU and your Spouse happy, so be it! God only knows when the right time is. Live like there is not tomorrow and like you also say " it all comes with time".

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  6. Aww thanks so much for this great advice/comment. It's a scary thought and like you said, one is never prepared, but when those babies come one finds ways to make it all work. Thanks again for stopping by :)

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  7. Oh my goodness. You and I are the same age and pretty much these are exactly my thoughts! There's so much pressure for babies sometimes so I absolutely love those people who say: Oh honey take your time (usually mothers with hormonal teenagers haha). But it's seriously so reassuring. All things in their own time right

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  8. I know that ever since I was a little girl that I wanted to be a mother so that was never an issue, but I do see where women are being pressured by people into the idea of having children. I think it's sad because you really truly don't know what person's dreams are. Maybe instead of kids, somebody wants to travel or become higher up in their job. Life isn't all about kids and many people don't understand that. Having kids for some people is nice, but being happy in your life is even better. So with that, I say, you go ahead and do you, Rosy! You live your life as happily as you can and when it's time or even if it's ever time, then you will walk on that path when it comes!

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  9. Gina, yes it's something about being married and not having kids that seems abnormal to some and then you get those moms who totally understand why we don't have kids yet lol!

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  10. Brittney, I can relate to you because ever since I was younger I have always wanted children, but there comes a time in life that we discover other parts of life and that's where I'm situated as if now. Like you said, some people don't see the bigger picture and assume that because you're married it's time for little ones. Thanks for this uplifting comment & for stopping by :)

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